Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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