why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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