Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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