I hate your face
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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