Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
