He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize