Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
