I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
