Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Don't make out with my wife yet
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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