Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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