We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
