I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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