Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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