DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
