Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
