Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
