none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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