Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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