don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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