Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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