All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Found your dick twin last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
