Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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