he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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