Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
