singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
