it was like his penis was on wheels.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
