I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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