He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
