i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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