we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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