You can't motorboat a personality
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize