Define "chronic" masturbator.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
