Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
