Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
