CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
