just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
