dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
