Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize