I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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