Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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