how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
