My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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