i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
