It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I bet he comes in French.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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