Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
