just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
