Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ttyl tear gas
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
