i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
