Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
