I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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