I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
