My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We have started to decorate penises.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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