he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No I am not eating basil off your cock
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize