my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
