By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
