Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
