We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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