just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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