i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
why do cheetos always look like penises
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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