i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
