So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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