just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
