I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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