You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
