ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
