Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
