So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The Olympian is in my bed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
